Let's talk about sex

I apologize for being missing for such a long time. I had to spend some time in the United States visiting with friends and family, and meeting with my advisors for my dissertation. But, I am finally back in sweet Jamdown, and the time away has definitely affected how I see Jamaica. The honeymoon is over. And you know how when the newest wears off a relationship, the very same thing that made a newpartner soooo endearing, now becomes incredibly annoying. I.e. your sweetheart’s strong commitment to dental hygiene is actually a propensity to stick sharp objects in his/her teeth at the dinner table. Well, I still LOVE Jamaica, but some of things that used to tickle me pink, are becoming less…enchanting. And so this email is about the hypersexuality of this here small island.

Jamaica is an incredibly sexual country. It’s everywhere. It appears to me that Jamaicans have babies like New Yorkers on the subway have Ipods.

When I first got here I was impressed that men just told you straight out that they were attracted to you. I found it straightforward, confident and assertive. I was flattered that no matter how crazy I looked, the gas pump attendant, the grocery store clerk, the bank manager just had to tell me I was the prettiest brownin' south of the Mason Dixon Line. I thought…no more sneak attacks or ambushes…these men go for what they want and they’re upfront about it.

What I failed to realize is that they want only that, and all the time. It doesn't matter the age, the class, or the marital status. They never turn their libido off! And I don’t know if it’s the heat, or the fruits everywhere, or our high intake of fish… The men here seem to me to have a one track mind…sex.

And it’s not only strangers. It’s the guys you know. I am one who loves having a majority male friends. I have been known to thrown a sausage party or two. But I find it really hard to get men to take me seriously/non-sexually here. For one of my few male friends, in EVERY SINGLE conversation we have there is at least one non sequitur sentence that goes like “I know how to give women multiple orgasms” or “Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. I was imaging how good sex between me and you would be”. And he takes me serious at least 70% of the time.

I hypothesize that it all comes down to the Jamaican masculine identity. I believe that there is such an over emphasis on masculinity within the identity of Jamaican males that in order to maintain this primary identity, they have to play up the femininity of the women around them. It’s like “I am who I am, because of who you are” i.e. “I’m tall because you are short”. This would be all well and good save for two things: 1. It makes male/female relationships here way too one dimensional 2. “The Pums” (Jamaican's colloquial term for vagina, abbreviated pum-pum) makes men stupid, it slows their reflexes. In short, it is their kryptonite. As a result, normally rational, mature, progressive men do and say imbecilic things because they can’t even see right from wrong anymore…I have actually been told “If my girlfriend asks, can you not tell her that I told you that I like you”. WHAT?!?

Now please bear in mind that this is a gross over generalization meant to entertain and does not represent every man on this island. And admittedly I have many a stimulating conversation with Jamaican men and even sometimes I glimpse their souls. My guy friends here tease me and say men everywhere feel this way, Jamaicans are just uncensored and unapologetic about it. And they might be right.

Anyway, even given this, I still love living here. And amuse myself immensely observing the antics of these perpetually pubescent men.

Comments

[arubagirl]

It's more or less the same here. I imagine it must be very exhausting for the men.

[titilayo]

arubagirl, your comment put a much-needed smile on my face -- thanks for that!

[Leon]

I totally agree. The Jamaican male's masculinity depends mainly on his domination of females' crotches.

[Karel Mc Intosh]

Recently, I spent a mere ten months in England (which of course seemed like forever at the time). A friend of mine there told me that you can't find a good, polite man who isn't obviously on one thing, if you know what I mean.

Then one night, we were liming (hanging out for those unfamiliar with Caribbean slang) and two Black, British guys came up to us. Intrigued by my Trini accent, they got into conversation with us and everything was going well until one asked me if we have something called blowjob in Trinidad. Well they got sent off. A few minutes later a Jamaican guy came out of the club and struck up convo with us. He was very funny and engaging. Not once did he make a sexual comment. Closest he came was saying he wanted to make me his wife, upon hearing I knew how to make bake. Lol. So big up to the Caribbean men who can still make you laugh and not disrespect you.

[Lor]

The J'can male often appear to be a complex being who often thinks his masculinity is measured by his sexual prowess, however, this is done to hide his insecurity especially when in the company of a beautiful woman. Occasionally you will meet the exception to the rule and it is so refreshing when you meet one. These men are usually polite, respectful and protective in a subtle way. Their security is understated, but present. Mothers need to raise more secure, confident sons!!! We need a change.

[Gayle Trini]

My experience with Jamaican men has always been that they don't understand the word No! No usually means maybe to them. I am not talking wrongful behaviour like abuse or rape. But if you say 'sorry I am not interested'... the response is usually something along the lines of 'well maybe not today...but there is always tomorrow.'

[drew.catt]

The J'can male often appear to be a complex being who often thinks his masculinity is measured by his sexual prowess, however, this is done to hide his insecurity especially when in the company of a beautiful woman.

That's pretty much exactly how a friend of mine (you could say he's the prototypical hypersexual Jamaican man) explained it to me once.

I say pretty mch because, his take on his own 'problem' is that it developed out of a need to prove his masculinity not to just himself, but to an entire community of people. Jamaican males are expected to act in a certain way, and if you don't you are ridiculed, and put down. As a result, the insecurity isn't necesarily because of beautiful women per say, but in response to a large communal need for acceptance.

[Neka]

Ive been dating a jamaican for sometime now and he treats me like a queen. He said he was in love with me and wants me to be his. i believe him because he gives me no doubt. I hope he really means it and i pray that we are right for each other.

[Marta]

Jamaican man are pathetic....Puerto Rican men are better....Jamaican men won't go down on you because they feel that a man shouldn't have to....I've dated 3 Jamaican man and they were all wack...my Boricua honey lays down better pipe game and he he gives me the business with his tongue...Big ups to Boricua boys!!

Marta

[kaigal]

recently i was asked out to dinner by a jamacian man and i still haven't given him my answer because not only have i been warned of their reputation but i also live in an area where the KKK are still active and most people are predjudicial. i wouldn't mind having someone else's opinions on what i should do.

[amber]

i think jam man r hot

[Suzie]

i am a jamaican woman and i only date jamaican men because they are hot and sexy. the man i am dating now is a Rasta man and i don't mean dread i mean the real Rasta man Oh what an experience.

[Lola]

Ithink Jamaican men are extremely hot and sexy. In a climate full of strange men, it is refreshing to find that the Jam guys are after straight forward sex with women.
I work with a jamaican man who is extremely sexy, pity he is married though.

[JennyoJen]

I've met a J'can man and he seemed cool, but over some conversations he is non-reponsive or doesn't answer the question fast enough. His pipe game is good but not ever lasting good.

[JennyoJen]

I've met a J'can man and he seemed cool, but over some conversations he is non-reponsive or doesn't answer the question fast enough. His pipe game is good but not ever lasting good.

[Michael]

I'm a Jamaican man living states side (LA). Ladies, maybe its the water we drink, the fish we eat or just something handed down from our sunsoaked Ashanti fathers...but We love our sex. We view it as our art. A secure Jamaican man, however, in enjoying his sex can also enjoy exploring a strong monogamous relationship. Insecurity and a need to impress the tribe is our enemy.If my womans mind/heart is strong, and the sex is good I have nothing to prove by leaving her.

[haley]

I met a Jamaican man at a conference last year. We have been going strong ever since. He is a wonderful man, loves me more than he loves himself and the sex is out of this world. He puts me and my daughters needs first. Love this man.

[sophiedophie]

im really into reggae n rastafarri lover kinda guys...but im usually only attracted to mexicans. and its soo hard to find one that likes rasta...i plan on going to jamaica one day. i have been with mexican guys ever since my parents allowed me to have boyfriends lol..but i want a change. does anyone think that going from a mexican to a jamaican is a big mistake?

[SEXY DIVA]

In response to NIKA's comment about Jamican men not going down on u - not true! I've messed w/ 2 in my life & both went down. & both had major "pipe game." Just recently i went to Jamaica and met a young, sexy 21 yr old that wuz a strait freak. i'm 30 & he turned me out! i love how he winds! :) LOL

[Marissa]

I have been to Jamaica three times.. Once with family, twice with friends. The first time I was there I NEVER once heard of any of them speak of sex. Not one word. The second I was with a friend and I still never heard of sex. I did however meet a friend of the opposite sex(male)of which I am still great friends with. It has now been almost 3 years and yes we talk sometimes of what it would be like but also know that we both have at that time others which are our main focus. The last time I was there I had an amazing time but did hear of sex more. But I found it from those who seemed desperate. The ones that didn't, I have numbers that I call them often and it is never a sexual conversation. I did also meet someone there that I grew close to and had sex with. I asked about the go down thing and he did mention that they have what it takes to make a girl/woman happy. After we did our thing.. I so agree with them. I know a woman likes it but they have other tactics that compensate for making it a great sexual evening. For me one that months later is still daily on my mind. Just remember there is the good and the bad in every country and most ALL men do act alike. Some are just better at hiding it. Jamaican's are not. They seem to be pretty straight forward and tell you how it is. They don't like ones that lie or ones that cheat so for that reason they are honest. I would bring my lover back in to the states in a heartbeat. I miss every part of him for he treated me like a queen the entire time I was there and in so many natural ways. We sat on the bed and talked and we talked about guys there and he said that most there just try to hard and end up getting hurt by it. He said that he personally didn't want to hurt anyone and tries to be as good as he can. So it's all about the individual and they way they were raised. I am lucky to have made SEVERAL friends (all men) that have been such a pleasure to talk to and they are just amazing. Give these guy's a break.. they are better than most American men I have dated. At least they have balls to say how they feel, tell the truth, and I can honestly say 85% of them seek the soul to love or lust.. and not the big boobs hooter girl. They look the woman inside. ( I don't say that because I am fat, overweight or ugly. I was a Hooters girl and I can tell they saw me for being a strong person not just something to look at.)

[joshua bee alafia]

this was really comical to me. i do a lot of work in jamaica; a few documentaries and music videos. i love the island immensely. i just wanted to leave my 2cents. the caribbean has a long, strong history of potent sexuality/sensuality. when columbus landed in DR he his first journal entry read:... "the people here are beautiful. they have no shame of their nakedness. they will make excellent slaves..." you could further say that this is true for the entire warmer regions on earth. there seems to be a corolation with sunlight and sexdrive. but jamaica is just extremely direct. patois is the highest evolution of the english language if you judge a language by economy and poetry. take any english sentence and say it in patois and see how you can relay the message in a fraction of the words. so folks advances are as direct, as surgical, as poetic... woman can be as direct and i've noticed they will say playful things with a sexual tone to it. it's a source of comedy there. so it may just be the sun warmth. i've worked in germany, which has this big redlight district in hamburg where it's sex shop after sex shop n shit, but folks were so stoic i barely could read any sexual vibe at all from sistas.. not just directed at me but among their husbands, boyfriends, whatever... it felt super repressed, and actually had me feeling depressed after a few weeks. give us sunshine.
morebless
jbee

[Aurie]

Hey...I caught wind of this post from a myspace group and I had to check it out. As a JA man, I have a slightly different bent on my self awareness. I must agree that alot of what you are saying is true, but i've learned to curtail the agressiveness and make it endearing by keeping it controlled and used at the right times. I only know monogamy and even though I have to fight that stereotype (fair or unfair - i dunno). All I know is that not many can say that you will be bored with a "Good" Jamaican Man.

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[Leanne]

i can honestly say that as far as my experiences go with j'can men all women who want a stress free and happy life should stay away from them. They are nothing but cheats. Jamaican ppl in general love to bad mouth Africans and go on like they're better than them but they fail to realise the big deal that an african person is four times the person a jamaican can be. for every one african child who knows their father atleast ten jamaican children dont know theirs. yes to them africans are so and so but everything in f...ing jamaica is from africa. anyways to get back to the point, every single one of my friends who have been in a relationship with a j,can guy has always ended up getting hurt because at some point they find out he's cheated. got wife and kids she didn kno about or hes messing with her mum or one of her friends. in relation to the comment bout j'can men going down they go on like they dont but every single one ive been with has eat me good and one of them was a rasta so its just a fukn front. So if any woman reading this has a good head on her shoulders she would heed my warning and stay away